Why I Speak German

People often ask why I am so interested in other cultures and, especially, learning other languages. It is no secret that practicing foreign language is one of my most beloved hobbies. The answers are complex, and even I ruminate over them from time to time.

Such questions often prompt more of them: Why German? Why Russian? The latter is easier to answer. I do not think it is uncommon for people, especially Americans, to investigate their heritage, which inspires them to learn a language to which they feel connected. Whether or not those pursuits are successful is another topic. I commend any monolingual English speaker for at least trying. It is not uncommon for native English speakers to give up after a few weeks or months at best, namely for one reason: English dominates domestic and global communication, so they feel there is no point in learning a new tongue that will not prove useful. Relatively few Americans travel abroad – only about one-third of the population has a passport. Those who do have a passport and actually use it likely flock to nearby, tourist-heavy destinations where only knowing English poses few if any problems. Not many situations warrant knowing a foreign language.

It also seems like learning a language has become trendy. People are glued to their smartphones, and language learning apps such as Duolingo have taken advantage of this addiction. People generally want to seem interesting, and installing an app that allows them to practice the basics in another language at home or on the go makes that easy. Telling people you are learning Finnish screams “look at me, I am so quirky and worldly.” I would not be surprised if people now claim that they are learning Chinese on TikTok.

Keep in mind that I do not mean to gatekeep people from hobbies. I realize that language learning apps can be a good stepping stone, seeing if the habit can stick or if the language is a good fit. A lot of people want to learn another language but find that some group of languages is not for them because they do not like case systems, memorizing articles, or a different alphabet. And that’s totally okay. But I always chuckle when someone insists they are learning a language solely with Duolingo. Good luck with that. Maybe someone reading this swears they learned Mandarin only with this app – if this is you, then good for you. You’re an exception, and I am sure Duolingo loves harvesting your personal data. I digress.

But eventually people realize that learning another language takes a lot of time. Hence why people feel that hours upon hours to learn something that will not be useful is not worth it in the long run, especially financially. Language learning is not the only victim here; many abandon hobbies that they cannot monetize, which is all too easy in a digital world with endless Instagram influencers and Etsy shops. If we are good at creating something, we should sell it. If we are good at creating something and love doing so, we should make a career out of it. I do not agree with these sentiments.

So, what about the few of us who fall into neither of these camps? Those of us who do not learn a language because we identify with that language’s culture or because we reap some utilitarian benefit?

I fit this demographic as an advanced German speaker. When people ask why I learn Russian, that is easy to answer – I am Russian. I ache to better understand my country of origin and my connection to it. That is not difficult to understand. But why I learn German is more interesting. Even though I have been studying German for a long time now (over eleven years now!), I did not always seek an answer to that question. After all, I don’t have to justify my decision. Neither does anyone else. Only in the last year or so have I thought more about my discipline.

I suppose I should explain that eleven-year timeline.

I learned some Spanish for a couple years in first and second grade, but that came to a close when elementary foreign language classes succumbed to the district’s budget cuts. I don’t remember being all too interested in Spanish anyway. I only remember not knowing what was happening when our teacher was explaining the days of the week to us.

Thankfully, the district did not cut foreign language offerings to junior high- and high-schoolers. However, it was never required to take one. I do not know exactly why I jumped at the chance to learn another language when I was in eighth grade. I suspect this is because I started developing identity issues around this time, not quite feeling American nor Russian, and diving into a different world appealed to me. Soccer also dominated my free time, which included watching it and supporting my favorite teams. This made me appreciate other countries.

We could choose between French, German, and Spanish. How did I decide? Well, I did take an exploratory language class in seventh grade. In hindsight this was an awesome course, as we got a taste of those three languages as well as Japanese. I still remember a few French words and phrases from this class.

At this point I was debating between French and German. Spanish did not excite me and therefore was not a candidate, and I think even my thirteen year-old self knew that I was not going to learn a language simply because it was most useful. I also think I associated Spanish more with Latin America than Europe, and Europe fascinated me more: at this age I was already a maestro of European geography.

For many years I wondered why I not only chose German over French but also stuck with it. After all, everyone argued that French was the most beautiful language, and, if I cared about utility, French won that duel. It was also more likely that my friends would take French; while not as popular as Spanish, French was not too far behind. But German it was.

German came very easily to me. Now that I am learning another language, I find that language learning in general comes easily to me. Of course I did not know that at the time, as German was my only ever serious endeavor. That I was routinely the best German speaker and writer every year is no exaggeration. Maybe I was a big fish in a little pond. Regardless, I felt early on that German was “for me.”

I became more of a medium fish in an average-sized pond at university, where I minored in Germanic studies. Students who were majoring in this subject and likely had already studied abroad in or at least visited a German-speaking country overshadowed me in class. I was not a bad speaker, but between speaking, listening, and writing, the former improved the least, unfortunately. That’s on me – not on my professors or peers. My Aufsätze, however, were great. I sometimes miss writing lengthy papers in German. All of my courses themselves engrossed me in countless ways: dissecting dense philosophical texts written by Schopenhauer and Kant, analyzing films covering the DDR from different angles by the decade, and wrestling with Kafka’s stories. How many non-Germans can say they have studied these themes and works in their untranslated forms?

Post-college I have developed my own “curriculum,” sozusagen. Podcasts and books comprise this curriculum. Most of my practice involves speaking, however. Since 2020 I speak with German native speakers, and now my German speaking skills impress me more than anything else. I am forever grateful to those who regularly speak with me – in return, I practice English with them – and have become true friends, even if we have not (yet) met in person. My college course schedule never afforded time for me to study abroad thanks to my demanding major. I also did not have money to visit Germany on a whim. I finally planned to do so in 2020, but the world suggested otherwise. I am patient, though. I am more confident now than ever that I can get by without using any English when I eventually visit. I have waited so long already to go to Germany that another couple years are nothing, relatively speaking. I do have soft plans to visit in spring 2022, barring a COVID-19 disaster.

Ultimately, my post-college decision to keep improving German revealed to me more than any other time period why I chose German in the first place and stick with it.

Again, I am not German. Not even a little bit. My adoptive parents are also not even a little bit German. But I think German partially alleviated the identity issues with which I have struggled since junior high school. Twentieth century history – the really gritty stuff – always interested me, and in turn I felt that Germany was “closer” to Russia in this sense than France was. In this time period, both Germany and Russia transformed humanity, not to mention the Soviet Union occupying the DDR.

But Germany was different enough to offer me a new home. We can find just as many if not more differences between Germany and Russia. I can easily list all of the German things I adore, such as German philosophy and literature. After all, Hannah Arendt is my favorite thinker of all time. I support Germany’s national soccer team. German art is cool. And while American politics annoys me, I admire the German situation from afar; the opinions of German politicians and everyday citizens are often the soundtracks of my daily commutes.

All in all, I can pinpoint one reason more than anything else. Contrary to America’s immigration policy, Germany’s willingness to offer sanctuary to those from vastly different cultures resonates with me. My identity teeter-totters between American and Russian. I am never really either one all at once. I do not feel I can control my sense of belonging. But I feel that I can be German if I want to be. I love that.